she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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