So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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