After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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