He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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