I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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