Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
