Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.