I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.