Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.