Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.