I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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