3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sex while Star Warsing is the best