I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
