I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
