So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
