I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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