Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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