Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
