the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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