mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
