On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
