Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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