peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
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I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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