I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
