good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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