we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
