It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
