I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
