i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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