I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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