The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
