Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
