Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?