Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.