woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
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Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
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Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.