is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices