sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP