if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
