right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
