You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
