So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
