How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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