he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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