you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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