every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
