So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
