The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
