meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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