no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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