things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
