Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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