She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
