how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A+ Viking dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
