Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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