the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
