This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
