I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my liver is dry heaving
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
