Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
