Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
