Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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