corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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