you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night