He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.