the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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