She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
