Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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